Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
