Whod you bang
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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