Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
