I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
