How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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