remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
soo... how was my night?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
