Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
