Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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