he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just had sex bonerless
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
