Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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