the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
