Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
