I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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