She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
