Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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