I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
