Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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