I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
