i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
