I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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