would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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