watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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