i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
