im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
