i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
