you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
