her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
