If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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