lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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