I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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