I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ttyl tear gas
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
