New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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