i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
