I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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