Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
