Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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