She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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