Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
