today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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