Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
