Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
