Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
