im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
