I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
