I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
this just has baby written all over it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
