was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
