Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
