I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
