call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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