the condom got lost in my hair
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
