i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
