I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
