Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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