Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
