Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
