if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
