i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I understand Curling. That high.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
