Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
