im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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