I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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