I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
